That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
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