I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
