new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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