could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
