it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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