I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
