drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
