PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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