Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
