thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I need to sanitize my soul.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize