You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
