I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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