You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
