I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
