Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
