I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
