If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
