First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
