Don't you send me to vm
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
