My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
whose ass print is on the piano?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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