You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
