It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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