My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
