I CAN MOONWALK!
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
