No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
