So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
he's single and there are thong briefs.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
