I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
