I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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