Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Everyone says I win the strip club
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
