Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
