i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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