summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
my sisters under your porch take her home
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
