someone threw a dead crab at me
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
They have beer where we have blood.
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