It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
A+ Viking dick
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize