FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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