the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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