i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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