After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
