I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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