In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
