My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
