is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
