the condom got lost in my hair
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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