so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
