omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
