Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
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Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
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I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize