i barfeds in our rink
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
