WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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