Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
