sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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