Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
