Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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