So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
