I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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