Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
