The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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