All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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