physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
