What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
