my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
