Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
