need another drink. this is the easiest way
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
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It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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