Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
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I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
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My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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