the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
