i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
