So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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