if you like me you must not know who I am
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
meet me or not, i'm out of control
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
