i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
