my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
