don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
she pinky promised me she was 18
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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