hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
