I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
