Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
