ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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