why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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