Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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