2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You were trust falling into bushes
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
