even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
