so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We have started to decorate penises.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
