He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
