Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
